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Minesworn  |  Sworn Community  |  Spam  |  I'm writing a fucking book!
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Author Topic: I'm writing a fucking book!  (Read 2733 times)
riptide
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The UK's voice on minesworn

« on: June 07, 2013, 01:07:37 pm »

I started this as a pet project today. Please help meh and give constructive criticism



What is the definition of a cage? I’m sure if you inspect the context, or looked it up in some fancy dictionary, a “cage” is meant for confining animals. I am no animal. In fact, I am not confined. So how can it be that on the 1st of January, 2013, my mother continued the long and perilous expedition of pestering me every day I wake up; insisting that I live in a cage and require some fictional “fresh air”? Some people have no rationality. Apparently, I will die a brutal, merciless death at the hands of the notorious faction known as “dirty air” if I do not leave my house for half an hour every day. This all started… well I don’t know when it started. All I remember is not feeling any desire to leave the house since a few months ago. From then on, my existence has been compared daily to that of a pet cardinal.
“Okay, I’ll go out.” I stated monotonously, with absolutely zero effort to convince. This has become a regular pattern of my life, known as the eternal “daily lie” by my mother.
The impending shriek came “You say that every day and you never do!” Why does she ask me to go out if she will assume I won’t? That’s so paranoid. Smart - but paranoid. My mother sounded incredulous as always. “It’s not normal, Markus!” There it was. My least favourite word. Wanting to avoid this conversation, I stealthily changed the topic whilst walking over to the cereal cupboard. As much as I like having a regular pattern, this was getting annoying.
“How’s work?”
“It’s the holidays! Geez, you don’t even know when it is?”
“Yes.” I lied again.
“Stop answering with small phrases!” That was ironic, I wanted her to stop answering with long phrases, but I felt saying it was overkill- and too much effort. “And stop lying!”
“Okay.” I sensed I had gone too far, and the cereal was nowhere to be seen- aha! An escape route! “What’s for breakfast?”
“Whatever you make.”
“Nice one.” She knew I couldn’t cook anything. This is too much normalcy for me. I sighed, the kind of long, depressive sigh you would expect from someone who is trying to get over a dead pet. I resigned myself to the fact there was no breakfast and with a disappointed moan, dragged my useless self over to the doorway- where my mother blocked my path.
“Markus?” I shuddered as my name was mentioned in such a shrill manner.
“Yes?” I forced myself to say it.
“Please go out somewhere. It’s the day before winter holiday ends and you haven’t been out at all.” I felt a life lesson approaching. This conversation had become dangerous. “I try to get you to go to the shops, you say no. Park? No.”
“Neither of those places felt beneficial in any way. It’s not as if the park will all of a sudden fill me with a spiritual sense of belonging.”
“But I want to spend time with you!” Those eyes were too much and I lowered my head in guilt.
“I’ll go tomorrow.”
“You know you can’t tomorrow, that’s a school day.” Sensing control of the situation and feeling triumphant after forcing out some human emotion, my mother started to interrogate me. “Are you depressed?”
I paused and I could hear the whir of the washing machine in the corner as my mind fumbled for my rehearsed response, and I replied: “No. Me? Depressed? Don’t be daft.” She wasn’t convinced and thought I was being sarcastic.
“Don’t tell me you’re on drugs!”
“Of course not!” This one was a thorough fact, and if anyone said otherwise they were being judgemental. My mother, satisfied at my answer which was filled with at least a fraction of emotion, stopped badgering me in this manner- and continued in a different way to my dismay.
“You’ve given me no choice, Markus. I found this leaflet in our letterbox, see?” She waved it in my face as if to say it was a winning lottery ticket. Oh no, letterbox leaflets. Don’t tell me she was signing me up for some “fun and intellectual adventure.” This would probably consist of a doctor and a few pills. Didn’t I already tell her I wasn’t depressed?
“I really don’t wanna.”
“You haven’t even heard what I have to say. Please give it a chance?”
“I assume it isn’t breakfast or a videogame.”
“I’ll get you breakfast if you listen- but like hell will I get you a videogame in your state.” State? I wasn’t having a breakdown. If I was maybe she’d stop this nonsense. None the less I was hooked at breakfast. I pulled out the kitchen chair and my mother flinched at the screeching it made with the marble floor. I sat down slowly.
“Teen club.” She dared to say it.
I got up again immediately “That made me sad.”
“Sit down.” I did.
“I’m not even going to bother negotiating anymore.”
“So we’re done here?” I regretted my deflective comment immediately.
“So I’m going to ban you from all games, consoles, screens and whatnot for a whole year. Every time you go to teen club or do normal stuff this time will reduce.” I was shocked at how unfair she was acting. I couldn’t believe it! I wasn’t even safe at my own house. She wittered on about details as I struggled to absorb her first statement.
“That’s so unfair!”
“I gave you time, you knew this would happen.” I did, to be fair, she kept saying it- but my mom never kept her promises! Why start now? I saw her writing this down on a piece of paper and stuck it in her timetable which just happened to be on the table. She’d been planning this conversation! What an evil genius! She does that, and unfortunately for me, this was proof she meant business. I sighed. This was just too troublesome.
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sushi657
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King-Sombra

« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2013, 01:19:09 pm »

Nice, but needs more lapis
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riptide
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The UK's voice on minesworn

« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2013, 01:20:35 pm »

Let's be more serious about this. This is real life, not sexual fantasy.
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almond0
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lolwut

« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2013, 01:24:23 pm »

I think...

It shouldn't be in spam.
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sushi657
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King-Sombra

« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2013, 01:46:45 pm »

Let's be more serious about this. This is real life, not sexual fantasy.
The only thing I can say is make it have paragraphs? Makes it a lot easier to read. Also just right it in on a word document and upload it to google docs, then we can all read it.
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TrollSlayer
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Dey' be Fearin' me Mon'

« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2013, 01:48:10 pm »

tldr pls?
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sushi657
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King-Sombra

« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2013, 01:54:40 pm »

It's about a kid talking to his mom, not very interesting.
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GarretSidzaka
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« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2013, 04:40:51 pm »

OBLIGATORY:
THAT BOOK GARRET RANTS ABOUT
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riptide
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The UK's voice on minesworn

« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2013, 02:57:32 am »

start of books are always shit. I was wondering if the structure and language was okay mostly.
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Pennywhistle__11
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[FinAmor]

« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2013, 11:59:02 am »

I get really sucked into MC too, dude, but I honestly think that your mom is right in saying you just should go outside for 30 min a day... Think about it, sacrafice those 30 minutes, and then she's fine with you playing.. You probably waste a lot more time than that worrying about her coming around the corner and telling you to get off.. Soo you should just work with her a bit and that way, you'll have her favor. Idk, maye some superfluous word use there, it doesn't need to be quite as wordy.. It's a complaint, not a philosophical document. :3
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LLM [FinAmor]
riptide
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The UK's voice on minesworn

« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2013, 12:27:07 pm »

I get really sucked into MC too, dude, but I honestly think that your mom is right in saying you just should go outside for 30 min a day... Think about it, sacrafice those 30 minutes, and then she's fine with you playing.. You probably waste a lot more time than that worrying about her coming around the corner and telling you to get off.. Soo you should just work with her a bit and that way, you'll have her favor. Idk, maye some superfluous word use there, it doesn't need to be quite as wordy.. It's a complaint, not a philosophical document. :3
Someone thinks the book is my life. (They're right) but you shouldn't know that.
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sushi657
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King-Sombra

« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2013, 05:36:25 pm »

You don't know riptide? Your life is a reality TV show, their are cameras all around your house LOL. It's the most fun show on tv, "Life of Rip" You should check it out sometime
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riptide
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The UK's voice on minesworn

« Reply #12 on: June 11, 2013, 11:06:10 am »

Wait I thought that was just a coincidental name...
ERMAGERD.
PLZ DON'T TELL ME U SAW MAH DICTIONARY?!
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Champster24
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« Reply #13 on: June 25, 2013, 05:14:03 pm »

Let's see here... random person Ive never seen on the forums before... decides to post on this EXACT thread? Nobody thinks this is rip's mom trying to pull a "motherly" thing?

Disclaimer: I didnt pay attention to most of it because of the lack of lapis and coffee.
The fact that you do not know who penny is, shows your ignorance.
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Yo dat magical underwear be stylin.
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